Regrets and Delusions

It was just supposed to be another normal day.

I would wake up late, eat, and then bathe. After that, I would surf the internet to my heart's content. A typical routine for a sixteen year old girl. Of course, since it was spring break, I could do that. I was a bit of a lazy-ass, so I didn't want to go out of the house unless necessary. But then, something terrible happened. Well, my mouse was pretty old, and it was to be expected, but I nearly cried when I found out it wasn't working anymore.

My parents refused to leave the house at that time, so I was forced to go out and buy a brand new mouse myself. I couldn't wait for another day since I could be really impatient. Besides, I couldn't survive without the internet for that long. I went to a nearby mall and into the department store, and bought a new mouse.

That's when I met him.

He looked so frail and scared, as if he was a lost child looking for his parents in the middle of the mall. Although it was seriously weird to see a guy possibly a few years older than me looking like a wimp, I couldn't help but approach and ask what was wrong.

He turned to me as if his dam was about to collapse. His nose was reddish, and his eyes were gleaming with tears. I nearly stepped back from the sight. He sniffed, stammering, before speaking.

"Ah... I'm lost." he muttered shyly, his head down from embarrassment. I could have laughed if it weren't for his sorry state. "I... came here with my friends, but I somehow lost them."

I couldn't just leave him here; not after I took the initiative of speaking to him. I showed a nervous smile as I rubbed the back of my head. "Um, I could help you look for your friends, if you want?"

His crying face immediately changed into a beaming face with sparkling eyes. He grabbed my hand without consent and then bowed at me, making me blush from the attention we were getting because of his actions. I stammered as he kept on thanking me.

"Thank you, thank you so much!" he exclaimed, looking up at me with admiration. "I've been lost here for a while, and you're the only person who was nice enough to talk to this pathetic person! Thank you, nice girl!"

I could have hit his head right then, but it was too informal for two strangers to act like that, so I just tried to endure his annoying statements until he calmed down. When he did, we immediately proceeded to look for his friends. After a while, we found them back where we had started; in the department store. It seemed that they had gone to look for him, too, so it was like we were running around in circles.

I told them it was no problem taking care of their friend. I could have just walked away, pretend that nothing happened, and then I'd be back in my room with a new working mouse. But then, this awfully familiar orange haired girl wouldn't let me go, saying stuff that his brother was really bothersome and that she wanted to repay me. 'Just let me go, girl.' I irritably thought.

That's when it struck me. This girl was the famous Kisaragi Momo! Just as I was about to exclaim it to the whole world, a hand gently covered my mouth, and I turned to see it was their blonde friend. He laughed as if it was normal for an idol to be here, and then said that it was better to discuss this matter in a private place.

We arrived at their supposed 'base', and the blonde guy, whom I learned was called by the name of Kano, began explaining. It seemed that they had strange eye abilities, a cyber girl as their sixth member, a famous idol as their fifth member, and that the wimp from the department store was her big brother. Radical.

This was just great. I could have left the base and acted like nothing happened, not wanting my current lifestyle to suddenly crumble. Of course, since I was so loved by fate, their leader, Kido, suddenly told me that I would have to join their group, now that I knew about their 'secret'. It was outrageous.

I didn't know them, they didn't know me, so why? Eventually, I gave in, since I couldn't oppose them because of their exasperating but reasonable reason. My daily schedule just got burned.

But actually, after a couple of days passed, with me hanging out a bit around them, I actually noticed that their members were mostly nice and particularly normal. Emphasize on the word 'mostly'. Remember the wimp? I found out that his name was Kisaragi Shintarou, and that he was once a shut-in NEET. Considering that he was the first person I met (if you considered the me-comforting-an-eighteen-year-old-wimp scene as out first meeting) in the gang, I figured that we would be friends first.

What I didn't expect was the silent treatment and cold shoulder. He was a different person from when I first saw him as a wimp.

"Hey there, Shintarou," I greeted, sitting across the table where he sat. I smiled, in hopes of getting a conversation out of him. He seemed startled at first, but then frowned and looked down. His earphones were plugged in his ears. "So, uh, what are you doing?"

He didn't reply. I didn't know if he didn't hear me because of the earphones or he just purposely ignored me, but either way, it made me think that this guy was a cold bastard. I tried to coax out even a few words out of him, but I eventually felt stupid and left him be. It went that way for a few days, since I wasn't really the type to give up easily. I kept trying to converse to him, but it was always the same. He would rarely talk to me, and he was always giving me the cold shoulder. It was irritating.

I couldn't take it anymore and just removed his earphones without warning one day. He was about to yell at me, I could see from the look on his face, but I beat him to it.

"Why won't you talk to me?" I asked simply, though the annoyance was clearly implemented. My eyes were narrowed at him. We were sitting on the same table, seats across each other.

He was surprised by the question, but then looked down with a frown. "No reason."

I narrowed my eyes. I scoffed. "You talk to Ene a lot. You talk to your sister. You talk to the other members. Why not me, too?"

He grimaced as I started leaning closer. Seriously though, I was getting fed up from being ignored by that guy. He seemed to be depressed whenever I would approach him, leaving me confused to ponder whatever I had done to make him so sad and just start to ignore me like that. I thought it was just some stupid reason like he was shy because I saw his wimpy side, but I never expected something like that as his reason.

"You remind me of a friend I had back in high school." he muttered. I leaned back on my chair, raising an eyebrow at him. I silently encouraged him to go on. "You're not exactly like her, but there are similarities."

For a moment there, I thought he smiled, but it may have been just a twitch at the corner of his mouth. I stayed silent. "She always smiled, and even though I was cold to her, she never gave up on me and we soon became friends."

Okay, okay. I understood the similarities. But then... "So, why are you refusing to talk to me anyway?" I felt a little guilty when he suddenly looked away with a grim look on his face.

"She died." he bluntly said. "Committed suicide."

Whoa. That was too straightforward.

I felt like a stupid idiot, carelessly butting into other people's business and personal lives. I rubbed the back of my head as I began to blush from embarrassment, realizing my faults and making him remember such a painful memory. "Ah... I'm sorry. I made you remember her."

There was silence for a moment, before I stammered to call his attention. He looked like he was about to cry, but regardless, he held it in and turned to me with a straight face. The way his eyes gleamed though, made it obvious that there were tears in his eyes.

"You know," I started. "I may not be your past friend, but I can still be your friend. As me, of course." I smiled. He showed a look of surprise. "If it'd make you feel better, then I promise that I'll never leave you. The others won't, too."

Suddenly, he actually smiled. I was surprised myself, but I just smiled back, happy that he wasn't being all cold to me anymore. "I'd... like that. I'm sorry for being so cold to you. I just thought that since you were a bit like her, maybe it would happen again. I don't want that to happen again. I―"

"I promised already, didn't I?" I interrupted him, showing a knowing look. I then went and grabbed his hand, and coiled our pinky fingers together. "Look, we'll even pinky swear. Then, I pinky swear never, ever to leave Shintarou. See? Now, you don't have to worry."

I grinned, before letting out a hearty laugh. He just stared at our linked fingers, before smiling and looking up to me with the cutest smile I ever saw. I admit I actually blushed a little.

"Then, I pinky swear to never let anything happen to you. I'll always be by your side, and I'll always protect you." he declared. I was startled at his sudden change of tone, but then I grinned, laughing as our friendship was established.

We became the best of friends. Shintarou was actually a nicer person than I thought, and, as expected of a NEET, was quite addicted to the internet. Since we had a lot of similarities, especially in our likes and dislikes, we would converse for hours, and even watch a couple of anime or read some manga together. At rare times, Mary would join us.

Shintarou was easy and fun to tease, too. With Ene's endless supply of teasing material for her master, I could easily make an essay about his embarrassing moments in life. He was like a wimpy big brother to me. I was even treating Momo (I still can't believe I could just talk to her everyday, let alone address her by her first name) as if she was a sister of mine. Ene was an awesome cyber girl. 'Nuff said.

Usually, in my normal day-to-day routine, I'd wake up at around nine, and then go to the base immediately. I'd stay there until late in the afternoon, and then Shintarou would walk me back home. And at home, I'd surf the internet as my 'alone time'. My friends from school were busy with their own vacations, so it was mostly me, the gang, and the internet.

One day though, a friend of mine called me and asked me to accompany him in the shopping center. I wasn't that busy, so I agreed. Unexpectedly, Shintarou came up to me shortly after. He had a kind of embarrassed face as he held his arm shyly.

"Um, are you free today?" he asked. It was obvious that he had some plans for us, but sadly, I was going to meet up with a friend today. I showed an apologetic smile.

"Oh, wrong timing, Shintarou. I'll be meeting with a friend today." I laughed nervously. I was preparing to leave the base, too. He looked disappointed, but he just covered it up with a smile.

"Oh, well. Then tomorrow, okay? Be careful then." he smiled.

I smiled back. "Thanks. I'll be off then."

With that, I left the base. He watched me from the distance, his brown eyes following my figure as I walked towards the shopping center. I didn't know that he was actually planning to follow me then...

I met with my friend in the center. It seemed that he wanted to buy something, but he didn't want to spend the rest of the outing alone, and since I wasn't busy, he called me. He bought what he needed to buy, we ate, we played a bit, and we talked. During those times, I would find myself glancing behind me, as if I was expecting to find someone stalking me. It was strange, but the feeling didn't last long.

We soon parted ways, and I immediately went home.

The next morning, I received a text message from Shintarou when I woke up. 'Meet me at the warehouse near my old school.', it read. I found it weird since he didn't include the time, but I was wondering why not just meet up in the base as always. I messaged him back with a couple of questions, but he never replied. Noticing that the message was just recent, I began to quicken my pace, thinking that he might have been waiting for me for too long.

I left the house and quickly made my way to the warehouse he talked about. He showed me where his old school was once, so I knew where it was. Thankfully, the warehouse was just right beside it. I entered the vicinity of the warehouse, thinking maybe Shintarou was waiting for me somewhere outside. But then, knowing that that guy never really like staying outside, I opened the doors of the warehouse, thinking that maybe he was resting inside or something. I looked inside and saw that it was practically empty.

I was getting confused. Maybe I was a little too early. I sighed, and then made my way inside the warehouse. I looked for any possible items that were interesting, when the sound of the door closing nearly made me jump. The sudden darkening of the once lit-up space of the warehouse scared me out of my wits. I ran to the doors, and tried to open it. It was locked.

My heart was beating fast. Did the owner see that the warehouse was open and suddenly decided to lock it up since it wasn't being used? With that thought in my mind, I was about to scream for help, when arms suddenly emerged from behind and enveloped me in an embrace. I was about to scream, but a hand had covered my mouth before I could even squeak for help.

I was clearly panicking inside. I was just locked up inside a warehouse, with a possible molester hugging me from behind. I could have been hyperventilating, when the pursuer suddenly whispered something in my ear. My eyes widened at the familiar voice.

"Ah... The warehouse is locked from the inside." Kisaragi Shintarou's voice brushed over my ear. I trembled a bit at the feeling. "And only I have the key."

I reacted, but his grip on me was firm and strong. I whimpered as he continued to hug me tightly. "I'll never let you go. I won't break my promises ever again. I won't let what happened to Ayano to happen to you."

Shintarou was acting crazy, and it was freaking me out. He just locked us inside the warehouse, and I couldn't break free from his death hug. The way he talked over my ear was weird, too. What was wrong with him? Did he just... snap?

He suddenly snickered, and then laughed as if he really had gone crazy. "I'll protect you! Like I promised!"

"And then you'll never leave me, like you promised." I flinched.

He suddenly leaned closer, as if encasing me with his fairly larger body. He let his head rest on my shoulder, his breath brushing over my neck. I shivered at the feeling. His grip on me was still firm, but it was gentle as he hugged me tighter. I couldn't do anything but stand still, hoping that he wouldn't suddenly assault me.

"I won't let another person I love die." he muttered. "I'll protect you. I'll protect you. I'll protect you."

I felt my shoulder getting wet and cold. His tears were staining my clothes, but I didn't care. I let my own tears fall down my cheeks. I knew, deep inside me, that he was still hurt. Hurt from the death of that person. And that he was only treating me as a replacement for her. To try and right what he had done wrong, and to do what he hadn't been able to do before when she was still here.

I sobbed harder as the truth weighed on me like an anchor. He didn't love me for who I was; he only loved me because I seemed to be the 'new' Ayano. I cried, the truth being harshly painful. His tears also continued to flow, but his face held a dark expression, as if determined that what he was doing was absolutely right. He continued muttering words I couldn't understand as he leaned on my shoulder.

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"I love you, Ayano."

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"I'll protect you no matter what. Even if I have to lock you out from the rest of the world."